I have had a notion occur to me off and on for awhile now. While I know friendships can change and morph into something else as time goes by, some friendships remain virtually unchanged and withstand the test of time and tribulation like an old flag waving proudly on the flag pole.
For the friendships that change, at what point do you downgrade a once good friendship to the level where you just do not put forth the effort anymore? I have a handful of people in my life where the relationship has evolved to a "90/10". Effort spent on the relationship is 90 percent ME. The 10 percent on their part is the amount of effort it takes them to contact us to borrow something or cancel plans. Strangely enough, I am not particularly offended by this and so it is not my point for this post. I just wonder at what point do you just let it go and let it be what it has become?
It's ironic that I do have a number of "new" people in my life that are quickly becoming "close" friends. Is this like some sort of cell renewal but on a relationship level?
In a brief conversation with Mark last night (discussing plans that the friends cancelled again), he said, "I just don't know what else we can do to try and spend time with them."
Before I even thought about it, I said, "It's really hard to maintain a relationship with someone who is trying to wiggle out of your life." After I said it, it was like someone else had said it to me. DING DONG.
In some cases, I think it is okay just to let things be. I don't mean that they are now shunned into non-existence. We just let go and allow the 90/10 to morph into the 00/00. No hard feelings either. Just let it be.
4 comments:
I understand what you are saying. I've come to believe that God places people in our lives for a purpose. Some stay for a season and some are there throughout. It's sad when a friendship ends but some just seem to run its course. I find there is always a new friend waiting to be met.
I still get a little bothered by those friendships, but have learned to just let them go. 3 unreturned phone calls is my limit. About 10 years ago, I let a "friend" have it when she returned my call 5 months later and said "Oh, we've been sick." What a crock.
janban - I like the way you put that. "Some stay for a season". I think that is so true. When I look at it from a "seasonal" standpoint, it is easy to see how they played a big role in my life at one time. My life has changed and so has theirs. Thanks for that insight.
MG-"Let them Go"... I am slowly arriving at that, thank you! I'm glad I made this post - that helps!
I agree, sometimes friends just run their course. I recently had this happen to me and it was someone who I thought was a pretty good friend for the last 13 years. I guess she did not feel the same way. Unfortunately after a nasty email from her, we are no longer friends. I have not given her another thought since that day. Sad, but true. I have since met a couple of really nice women who I am starting to share a pretty cool friendship with.
Janban, you said it best, God places people in our lives for a purpose and some stay only for a season on two. Great wisdom.
Post a Comment